Last night, I had another one of my near-nightly wake-up calls, courtesy of Things I Can Do Nothing About At 3:00 a.m.
My poor brain: Holy shit, I’m halfway to 37. Which means I’ll be 40 in three years. AND I’VE NOT PUBLISHED A NOVEL, YET. WHAT DO I DO?????
In those awful moments, laying in bed feels excruciatingly futile. How could I possibly just lay in bed when I’ll be forty in three years? I should get up. I should write two more novels, find two more agents, make 7,000,000 million dollars, and end climate change…before breakfast.
When this happens, I can usually calm myself down with a few grounding thoughts. Last night I told myself: 1.) You have far more successful writer friends far more successful who didn’t start writing until after they were 40. 2.) Toni Morrison was in her 60s when Beloved was published (I think…) 3.) You can only focus on what’s immediately ahead of you.
However, the Tarot gave me the 3 of Wands as my Card-of-the-Day:
In the Rider-Waite-Smith deck, the character gazes off into the horizon looking for a ship to arrive. They are waiting on fortune, yet there is a bit of a gamble in it. They can’t really confirm what the ships contain until they arrive. Likewise, we can make lots of plans for the upcoming year, but we can’t really know what the metaphoric ships will bring until we find them in front of us. Still, this is a good time of year to start thinking. Also, having these plans at least sketched in my mind helps me to preemptively stave off the 3 a.m. panics.
Here’s what I currently have:
- I am determined to finish the third draft of my novel by Jan 1. First goal of 2018: seek out–and secure–a publishing agent. I’ve done the self-publishing route and while it works for a lot of people, it doesn’t work for me. I need someone to publish, design, and market my shit for me!!!
- Pitch a new Pagan book to my editor. It’s been over a year since I published for the Pagan community. Time to do it again! What’s it about? Until I have the contract, lips are sealed, so don’t even ask! <3
- Do a NaNoWriMo-style first draft of a new novel, which I hope to turn into a three-book series. I likely won’t wait until November to do it as I hope to do it sooner, but if I haven’t done it by November…you all have my word that I’ll join the crazy this time next year!
- Attend at least ten literary readings here in the Portland area, and read my own stuff at least four of them.
Those are writerly goals. I have personal goals, too!
- Go to Alaska with Husband!
- Decorate guest room to look like an enchanted forest.
- Plant a butterfly garden.
- Read at least one book per month.
That’s the plan for now. Wish me luck for better sleeping tonight!
What do you have planned for 2018?